The Cruise That Changed Our Marriage

We got back from a week long cruise last week to Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel and it was FANTASTIC!! We planned this trip 2 years ago just after our daughter was born. We originally planned to cruise last year but this mama wasn't ready to leave her 13 month old quite yet so we bumped it out another year. For the longest time I was stressed about leaving my baby girl for so long and being so far away. But I kept telling myself this was an investment in our marriage and we really needed the time together. No one can prepare you for how a child impacts your marriage and most couples would probably agree it puts more stress on both parents in different ways. Over the last year we have been feeling the mounting stress with the hubs change of jobs (including a layoff), buying a new house, numerous house repairs and upgrades, family illness, family deaths, oh and keeping up with the on the go tot. We didn't realize how bad we needed this vacation until we were on it and enjoying each others company. Something we hadn't done in awhile without constant distractions. As a stay at home mama, my child is the center of my world and 90% of my day is focused on her needs. It is easy to neglect your spouse when your tot is this young and and I was totally guilty of putting my husband on the back burner. Over the last few months we fought more than we ever had before. We both had plenty on our plates and the overwhelming amount of stress really affected us. It was making us distant, angry, exhausted and confused. We stopped kissing hello when he got home from work and that slowly led to not kissing goodbye. I was feeling like a solo parent for  weeks when he had extra work on his plate and I was responsible for the evening routine with our tot. It didn't matter if I was tired, sick, or needed some time alone, the kid still needed to be fed, bathed, and put to bed. It was a no choice routine that had to be done and my me time was gone and non existant. I was becoming so envious that my husband could come home and just lay down or go to the bathroom... with the door shut! If you are a stay at home mom you can understand how doing the same things each day all day (dishes, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bath time, clean up...repeat) can become exhausting and un-exciting. For the most part your days are filled with the same chores. I was feeling angry towards my husband for getting to have a variety of things to do during his work day and then him coming home and telling me he was tired. On top of that I had nothing exciting to report about my day so him asking me, "how was your day?" was quickly becoming a pointless question (which I would let him know in my nicest sarcastic tone). So, that question stopped coming up which angered me even more. Yea, I was a full on mess at this point. I was pissed when he asked, and more pissed when he didn't. For all these examples above and more, I knew we needed this trip to reconnect. I knew more than I would miss my baby girl, I needed to take some time with my husband and figure out how to get past this anger we had developed for each other.

I realized so many things on this vacation. I really feel in love with my husband again. Like, full on my heart is so full LOVE. I never stopped loving him, but this trip allowed me to hit the refresh button all those feelings and admiration I had for him when we first got married. We shared great conversations. We enjoyed a week of meals with no interruptions. We watched movies from bed. We got room service and took naps. We enjoyed drinks and dancing. We held hands. Do you realize how BIG holding hands was to us?! If you are like us, those small signs of affection had disappeared months ago because who had an extra hand to extend when diaper bags, sippy cups, snacks, and cell phones were filling up the two we had. We shared so many laughs, so many smiles, and made so many memories. Just the two of us. I was really able to reflect on my actions over the last few months and realize that I was stretching myself to thin. I had let my husband slip off my priority list. Hell, he hadn't even made the grocery list when I think about it. Eight months ago we had excitedly discussed expanding our family after our tot was older than 2 or 3 years old. Skip to a month ago we exchanged two sentences about holding off on any family planning until we figured out this rut. Needless to say this cruise truly changed our marriage and allowed us to focus on our relationship as husband and wife, and how to appreciate each other again. Appreciation, a word we had long forgotten but both craved deeply.

We had a super long layover in Dallas before our last flight took us home. We ate a really great meal and talked about how we both felt this cruise really reconnected us and helped us get back to where our marriage needed to be. We discussed planning another trip in another 2 years and taking smaller weekend trips through out the year. We have only been married less than 3 years but I feel we really stumbled upon a key to keeping our marriage happy and full of love. We live our life in the fast lane. We are on the go, busy body people which means we don't spend a lot of our days doing nothing or having down time. For us those busy adventures make our life fun and memorable and really fits our personalities. However, putting the world on hold and devoting time to each other is something that we HAVE to make more time for. Until this trip I had not realized how important "dating" your spouse was. I was one of those moms who thought doing date nights on a regular basis or vacations without our kid would be to stressful. I really thought we would be depriving our child by not taking her with us everywhere and how could I leave her out?! I can now say and advise that you have no idea how much you need the time away until you try it. All things should be tried at least once and taking time away from your busy life or child is something worth trying!!

Lastly, I really feel I came home to a better behaved and happier kid. This can totally be a result of the awesome Grandma's in her life who watched her during that week but I strongly believe she was picking up on our stress and her parents being off balance. We have been home a week and she seems to listen to me better, follow directions faster, throw less fits, and is all around a happier kid. This more than anything has made me realize that her life is shaped by the vibe we put out and the atmosphere we create for her. I gotta give the kid more credit. She is smart and duh, of course she would pick up on unhappy parents!! We do not fight in front of her and the times we have we control our tones and such but I am certain now she could sense the tense relationship we had developed and was reacting to it.

And now photos from our awesome trip!  We didn't take many because we had more fun enjoying our trip than capturing it.

Montego Bay, Jamaica on my Birthday

Formal Night

Happy. Happy. Happy.

Turning 30 on the beach with a yummy drink. Life. Is. Good.